StartFragmentOn Friday I had the opportunity to have a real “serious” talk with my 10 year old girls about them being afraid to play against their old coach and teammates.. To make a long story short, the situation that led to them being split from their old teammates and coach is an extremely difficult and very opinionated matter that doesn’t need to go into further discussion besides the fact the girls may have been a little scared of their ex coach and scared of losing to their old teammates and ex coach.
Standing in a circle seeing all eyes on me, I told them they had no reason to be scared, that at the end of the day basketball was just a game really, and I was more concerned with the fact that they went out there and had fun and played hard. The question that I was hit with was “so you won’t be mad if we lose?”. “ABSOLUTELY NOT. I will only be mad if you don’t work hard and don’t have fun.”
I don’t think they quite understood. You see 19 years of playing basketball has taught me more about life than anything/anyone else. Basketball has been so much more to me than wins and losses. And as I stood there trying to explain this to them I could tell they were confused.
“Listen here, when you guys get older you will realize that this is just a game. Trust me I love this game so much, I have so much passion, I want to win every single time I compete, but at the end of the day records stats, those things mean nothing. You will learn if you don’t understand now, there is so much to learn from this game. And here is your first lesson. You can’t be afraid of who you’re going out there and playing against. You can’t control things outside of our team. We can only control the 8 of us, and us two coaches.”
I hoped it started to click in their minds. And for me it was just another reminder that this game has been way more to me than just wins, losses and stats. It was about life. It was about a platform for me to make lifelong friends, mentors, get a college education, travel the world. So many experiences that I remember more than any game or season.
And multiple times in my career I let basketball define me. I let the points I scored, the games I won determine the person I was. If I was playing bad, I couldn’t leave it on the court, I felt like a horrible person. It’s unhealthy to let your talent determine the person you are off the court.
Over my many years of playing the game I’ve just grown to appreciate the daily lessons and reminders I get from playing. Even now coaching and seeing things from the coaches perspective, things are different. I’ve become less focused on the outcome and more focused on the process and growing from it. I feel like this is an important lesson as parents, mentors and athletes we forget. So just to sum it up I will share with you one of my all time favorite passages from a John Wooden book.
A Parent Talks to a Child Before the First Game
This is your first game, my child. I hope you win.
I hope you win for your sake, not mine.
Because winning’s nice.
It’s a good feeling.
Like the whole world is yours.
But, it passes, this feeling.
And what lasts is what you’ve learned.
And what you learn about is life.
That’s what sports is all about. Life.
The whole thing is played out in an afternoon.
The happiness of life.
The miseries.
The joys.
The heartbreaks.
There’s no telling what’ll turn up.
There’s no telling whether they’ll toss you out in the
first five minutes or whether you’ll stay for the
long haul.
There’s no telling how you’ll do.
You might be a hero or you might be absolutely nothing.
There’s just no telling.
Too much depends on chance.
On how the ball bounces.
I’m not talking about the game, my child.
I’m talking about life.
But, it’s life that the game is all about.
Just as I said.
Because every game is life.
And life is a game.
A serious game.
Dead serious.
But, that’s what you do with serious things.
You do your best.
You take what comes.
You take what comes and you run with it.
Winning is fun.
Sure.
But winning is not the point.
Wanting to win is the point.
Not giving up is the point.
Never being satisfied with what you’ve done
is the point.
Never letting up is the point.
Never letting anyone down is the point.
Play to win.
Sure.
But lose like a champion.
Because it’s not winning that counts.
What counts is doing.
P.S. Our girls realized after the game it really wasn't as bad as they thought it was going to be. In the end they lost, but all the smiles and their ability to be game ready the next day was truly amazing. So grateful for these daily lessons and the opportunity I get to coach and teach athletes everyday.
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