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"Because we all have differing needs, personal histories and life circumstances, we will all inevitably come to differing "correct" answers about what our lives mean and how they should be lived."
We all have been raised by different people, some by both parents, single parents, our grandparents, our siblings, a family friend, in different homes at different times. We all have grown up in different types of houses and locations, in the richest of cities like Brentwood or in the poorest of cities like Detroit, or even somewhere in between. In mansions, suburban homes or in run down apartments.
We have all been through our own individual struggles, all differing completely in circumstances but all still important to who we are. We have also experienced our own types of successes, which have also defined us, our values and our meaning. Everything that has happened FOR us has shaped and molded this person we are today. So in retrospect, we all have our own "differing needs, personal histories and life circumstances". Because of that we all have own values, goals and ideas about how our lives should be.
You ever meet a person or observe a persons behaviors and decisions for about 5 min and automatically judge the way they are, the way they view things, their manners, their attitude, every little thing they do? You sit there like wow how can a person be so rude, disrespectful, how can a person choose a certain lifestyle for themselves? How can someone be so oblivious, so arrogant, so different from us? Were they not raised correctly? Do they not understand basic manners? Etc, etc.
I'll be honest I have been there so many times in my life. And recently I have really pushed myself to get rid of this habit. Everyone is the way they are for a reason. But look, don’t get this twisted, I'm not sitting here justifying the things people do. I'm not telling you its okay for you to resort to stealing because you grew up poor thinking its okay and I am certainly not telling you it's okay to treat the world with hate and disrespect because maybe that’s what you were taught growing up.
I am simply saying as individuals we need to see the bigger picture behind why people are the way they are. Don't judge, don't jump to conclusions. Realize we are seeing a zoomed in version of this person, we do not understand why they are the way they are, why they have certain beliefs. We need to zoom out and understand why they are the way they are.
It's easy sometimes to give up on who you deem as difficult people in life. Or people who are just different from you. Don't take the easy way out.
Driving through downtown LA with my mom, through the streets where the amount of homeless people has increased dramatically and still continues to increase. It's a hard sight seeing each person knowing they have their own stories and reasons why they ended up in the streets. I can't help but think if their families abandoned them when they lost their jobs or got addicted to drugs and alcohol? If they had no families, or honestly if they really chose this lifestyle (because there are some people that do choose to live on the streets).
My mom shared a conversation she had with a coworker about an inmate in prison. The inmate might have certainly been deemed mentally unstable or "crazy" and overweight. The coworker had no problem talking poorly about her decision to be the way she was. My mom has taught me that we must look beyond first impressions and realize not everyone chose to be the way they are. She hit him with the "do you think growing up as a little girl she dreamed of gaining weight, becoming mentally unstable and ending up in prison?" Chances are no. Chances are she was dealt cards that weren't in her favor.
Not everyone is dealt the same cards in life. It takes a special person to grow in the opposite direction of poor and bad influences.
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I have coached and worked with over 1000 kids and athletes over the last couple of years. From working youth camps, basketball sessions and coaching club basketball. I have been exposed to a number of different types of personalities. Some kids and athletes easy to work with, easily motivated and others on the opposite side of the spectrum. And some fall in between.
It's easy and of course fun coaching and teaching the kids that are well mannered, respectful, outgoing and want to get better. And it's a hell of a lot easier counting out the ones that are difficult to deal with. And this is where I caught myself. I deemed them difficult to deal with. I wrote them off without knowing their home situation, without knowing anything about them. Instead of trying to understand why they may be a little disrespectful at times, why they are closed off, why they sit alone at lunch, why they act the way they do.
It is hard but completely worthwhile giving kids and athletes more of our time that we would normally count out. They deserve our time just as much as everyone else. And I am not saying you are going to completely change them right away but someone said, "Sometimes they are not ready to be woken up just yet, sometimes you just have to plant the seed and they will grow when they are ready."
You may not be able to change this athlete or kid just yet, but if you can be the start to giving them the time of day I guarantee others are not giving, it is a start that may change their lives.
At the end of the day its easy to count others out because they are different, they have different values, opinions and lifestyles. But I ask you take your time and understand why. Instead of writing them off and moving on with your life, have that extra conversation, give them a little extra. I'll challenge you too, find someone you are not particularly fond of. Get to know that person. You might write them off because they talk about themselves all the time, they walk in moody to work everyday, they seem to not give a single care. Get to know that person better. Or reach out to someone you think needs it.
"I do not like that man, I must get to know him better" -Abraham Lincoln
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